Until He Puts Effort into These 6 Things, DON’T MARRY HIM

There are six actions you must require of a man before you consider him for marriage.

1. He must propose. He should be the one to ask for your hand in marriage. Ideally, he will also ask for your father’s support. This is helpful because, yes, there are things men can pick up about men that women cannot that may save you a lot of heartache. Any male relative should suffice if your father is not available.

2. He must get you an engagement ring or comparable symbol of his intention to marry you and offer it at the time of his proposal. This lets you know that he is willing to make a financial sacrifice for your happiness that takes some planning and effort.

3. He must introduce you to his family. To his mother, father, sister(s), and brother(s). You want to see how he treats his mother, and other women in his family, and how they and other members of the family relate to him, to see the family dynamic into which you want to marry.

4. He must introduce you to any and all of his offspring and their mother and significant other. Again, you need to have an idea of the kind of people with whom you will have to interact and/or spend time because of the children they share. That interaction lasts for the life of the child. You want your marriage to be as positive as possible, and knowing all of the players, and how they get along is extremely important. You do not want any surprises. There is no way he can really protect you from this or these individuals because he does not control them. You want to have some idea of what to expect so that you can make an intelligent decision as to whether or not you want to be involved.

5. He must tell you whether or not he wants children. If he already has offspring he may not be as anxious to have more. There needs to be a discussion about having them and how many, and any gender preference. You should also discuss childrearing philosophies so that you know what you can expect from each other. You discuss everything you can think of including their education. What are the expectations in this area? Public education versus private. You both need to know what kinds of sports, outdoor, artistic, and adventurous activities are acceptable.

6. You must discuss your sexual, political and religious preferences and beliefs. These are three major and critical items that need to be clearly understood before marriage. Granted these things may change in some way over time but you need to know where they stand now, and what they think will happen if any current preferences or beliefs change, and how that will be dealt with as a family.

There is nothing worse than finding out a few years into a marriage that your husband does not want to treat you to a card, night out or flowers on your anniversary, birthday or to celebrate another milestone, and these are things that are, to you, very important.

You want to take your time and go into your marriage with your eyes open and with as much awareness as possible of the vicissitudes and incongruities that may come your way. Knowing all of the above should enable you to determine whether or not they lie, have an uncontrollable temper, have an addictive personality, have unsavory friends, and are prone to fatal attraction-type behavior. You want to know that if things do not work out before or after marriage, you will not have to worry about their ability to handle the rejection to move on with someone else. If you do your homework and require the right things, you should be better prepared for whatever happens during the marriage and more able to hang in there when challenges arise.

It is also extremely important to see how he interacts with your family members, your children, and your friends. You do not want to be in a situation with someone who tries to keep you from interacting with your family, children, and friends. You will not know anything if he is not exposed to them and you want everyone to get along as well as possible. Peace and harmony are the goals and the ideal situation. Nothing is perfect but you want to start out with things going as smoothly as possible so that challenges will be easier to overcome together and with love and concern about what is best for you both.

So, require the above, and be strong, and steadfast, so you can both be as happy as possible and for as long as possible. The goal is to be happily married forever.

Parthenia Izzard Psychologist, CNHP, ABD, Author, Talk Show Host

Her desire is to provide services and disseminate information related to alternative medicine therapies to facilitate your wellness journey.